Did the title give you any hint as to what's going on right now? Oh my god, I can't hold anything down right now. I don't get it either, I was fine yesterday at school, and then I got home and things went downhill fast. First the congestion hit, followed by a massive headache and then the wonderful stomach issues. I'll spare the graphic details for the wonderful people who may or may not be reading this, but suffice it to say it wasn't pretty at all. As it is, my head's pounding right now. I definitely can't make it to my history club meeting, and I'm seriously considering calling off work, which I don't want to do because my hours are getting cut enough as is :( Of course, since I'm bored and I don't really feel like doing much of anything, and I can't sleep because of my infrequent interruptions, I decided to get online and type to my heart's content.
So tell me, wonderful web people who probably aren't reading this, what should I make this blog about? The thoughts and observations of a community college student who desperately wants to leave home but isn't sure if he can do it because he's lacking in funds and isn't sure if he could survive on his own? I asked a friend from work about an apartment. He's a good guy who also is wanting to leave home, but he wants to know that there'd be enough money to cover an apartment. He's talking to a couple others about maybe getting a place, hopefully we can work something out soon. I hope we can work something out. I mean, look, it's not that I don't love my parents and all; in fact, it's quite the opposite. They've taken care of me for 21+ years, and I'm really thankful for that. It's just... they get kinda smothering, you know? Always asking "Where are you going?" "Who are you with?" "What time did you get home last night?" and other questions like that. And it's just gotten worse since I had my accident. I think that scared all of us. Really, we're a pretty tight-knit clan, even though we may not show it sometimes; we circle the wagons after any family crisis, like when the house got nailed by the tornado a couple summers ago, or my aforementioned car accident. I know they're just trying to be good parents, and that they care about me, but I'm 21 years old. I need a chance to spread my wings and I'm really starting to feel cramped here at home.
Plus, it gets kinda irritating when they question why I've got beer in the fridge. I should tell you my parents aren't drinkers. Dad's diabetic and he didn't really drink all that much in the first place, while Mom... well, I can only remember seeing my mother consume alcohol once or twice (not counting the communion wine that we get whenever we go to Lutheran churches), and it was just one glass of wine or whatever was in the glass. Guess she just doesn't like the taste. So alcohol hasn't been a big part of our family, thank God. Whenever I to to parties, which isn't often, I get a crash course in what it can do to people, and it can really mess some people up. It can really change some people. Sure it helps loosen people up, drops their awareness and what not, but... well, I'm just not a huge fan of alcohol. I'm the stuckup one who didn't drink before he turned 21. I bought a six-pack of Bud Light just after midnight on my birthday, but I waited a couple days to drink it. It's ok, but I'm not too huge a fan. I'm a bit of a lightweight too. One night I ventured outside my comfort zone a bit and drank TWO beers (I had to finish off that six pack, the beer had been in my fridge for about 2 months, and I thought why the hell not?). I didn't get insanely drunk, but I did have a fun conversation with a friend of mine where I got a bit loopy and out of character. She was like "Well, aren't you just the little talker?" It was pretty embarrassing. Then about a week later, I got another six pack and put it in the fridge, and that's where the trouble started. My parents now think I'm an alcoholic, which I'm about the furthest thing from. That six pack's been in the fridge for about a month, and I think I've had only 2, maybe 3 of the beers. I'm just not a huge fan. I've got a bottle of champaigne and a bottle of sangria up in my room too, and I haven't opened either. Call me a wet blanket or whatever, but... yeah.
Forgive me for that random alcohol tangent. I was asking what this blog should be about, wasn't I? I don't really know, you tell me. I would be content with just writing about life and what not, because believe me, I do some things that make my life far from average. Ask my friends, they'll tell you. Maybe that's what I'll talk about in post 3, my friends. I have to be careful though, because we are on the internet, and anybody can read this. So I'll try to keep it PG.
Now I'm coughing up a storm. What the hell is wrong with me? I want to go to work tonight, I need the money, what with me wanting to get a car and an apartment. Then there's the matter of where I'll be after SWIC. That's another thing my parents are grating on me about: "Where are you going to school next year?" "Why aren't you applying for scholarships?" "You need to get that application taken care of!" "You have family asking about where you're going to go!" "You need to make a decision soon!" Oh my God, why can't you see that I'm trying here? I have things that I'm committed to besides where I'm going to have to be in six months, and I realize that it's a very important decision to make, but I feel that by trying to help me you're unintentionally trying to wring the life out of me. I can't deal with all this stress! Then, when I try to ease the tensions, they yell some more, and I just go into shutdown mode, and it doesn't help matters.
What also isn't helping matters is that I just had a big fight with some of my friends who live here, and I haven't had anybody to vent to. It was my fault we weren't talking. I did something really stupid, and then I tried to fix things and those things ended up making things worse, and then we didn't talk for a week, and then we worked it out but then I read some things wrong which got me even more upset and set things back again. We're talking now, but I know I messed things up bad and... I don't want to be a burden.
Listen to me, wallowing in my own pool of self-pity. You didn't come here to read that, did you? I'm sorry. I'll try not to be a downer on this blog. It's a new thing, you know, writing to nobody in particular, hoping that somebody comes along, clicks the link, and starts reading. Believe me, I'm usually not a depressing, down-on-his-luck person. I hope I can share that in this blog. This is actually kind of fun. Though, right now my stomach is telling me to do something else, so I'm gonna hit publish and take care of some things that I don't see fit for posting on the Internet. Bye.
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